A Post That May Only Interest Me
We're just two weeks away from the greatest international competition on the planet: the Eurovision Song Contest, and for whatever reason, it's occurred to me that one could compare each of this year's 37 entries to running locations in Ann Arbor. Congratulations to the two people who've kept reading past this sentence! Without further ado, let's begin:
Albania (Albina Kelmendi, "Duje")
That's a lot of performers on one stage. If you need somewhere to put that many runners, opt for the flat part of the Arb, down by the river.
Armenia (Brunette, "Future Lover")
There's quite a bit of debate over whether "Future Lover" is a disjointed mess or a work of musical genius. Similarly, is Glazier Way a bunch of nonsensical hills or the best place to train in Ann Arbor?
Australia (Voyager, "Promise")
Australia is a bit of a misfit at Eurovision for obvious reasons, and people question whether it makes sense to go halfway across the world to include them. Year after year, though, they prove that it's worth the travel. Kensington Metropark.
Austria (Teya & Salena, "Who the H*** is Edgar?")
I could just tie this to, like, the English department. Or maybe Main Street's Ravens Club. But a closer look at this song reveals that it's a brilliant commentary on the issues facing the music industry. Difficulties? Music? That corresponds neatly to the Bonisteel Boulevard hill near the School of Music.
Azerbaijan (TuralTuranX, "Tell Me More")
Tural and Turan Bagmanov are twins, with very similar names. Sure, let's say this is the intersection of Huron Parkway and Huron River Drive.
Belgium (Gustaph, "Because of You")
There used to be a little Belgian waffle shop on Liberty, where Spencer is now. I realize it's been closed for ages, but this entry nonetheless is that block of Liberty between Main and 4th.
I could try to use this song's political commentary (in short: they're saying Putin is a crazy dictator) to dictate this pick, but that's all of Ann Arbor. Instead, we'll zero in on the tractor imagery and end up on Joy Road.
Cyprus (Andrew Lambrou, "Break A Broken Heart")
Lambrou is Australian, but representing a European country (albeit one still on the very edge of Europe). If we're saying Australia itself is Kensington, how about Hudson Mills for Andrew?
Czechia (Vesna, "My Sister's Crown")
It's very pretty and can work well, but it's also sort of a mess of turns and switches, using four different languages and six different artists. Crazy Leslie has some similar difficulties.
Denmark (Reiley, "Break A Broken Heart")
This song feels like it came right from a TikTok video, and I understand that's a thing the kids do these days. (Full disclosure: I am actually the same age as this Reiley fellow and am technically Gen Z.) Maybe it's something you'd listen to on the treadmills at the NCRB?
Alika delivers this performance with the kind of perfection that you can only really get from a place like Leslie - with the bonus of there being an actual bridge in that park.
Finland (Käärijä, "Cha Cha Cha")
Everyone loves Finland except me, and I just don't see what they're seeing. I keep waiting for something to happen and nothing ever does. Traver Road has a similar effect.
France (La Zarra, "Évidemment")
This is just so French. It's in-your-face and assertive while seeming extremely casual and dismissive about it all, and it's wonderful. Straightforward dominance would be the hill on Broadway.
Greece (Victor Vernicos, "What They Say")
Victor's only 16 years old. Pioneer Trails are a good fit for a literal high-schooler, right?
Where is there an echo? In a tunnel, perhaps? How about the Bandemer Tunnel? (Someone go check if there's actually an echo there.)
Germany (Lord of the Lost, "Blood & Glitter")
The most stadium-friendly rock band here deserves Stadium Loop.
This song is well-executed technically, and it's a lot of fun, but there's unfortunately not much for Diljá to work with. Fair Oaks is really cool, but it's only like two blocks long.
Ireland (Wild Youth, "We Are One")
Just feels like a knockoff of something better, and it's utterly forgettable. Ridgeway Hill.
It's fun and will do well at the contest, certainly. The music video, however, suggests that Noa has no idea what a unicorn actually is or does. Compare with Nixon Road, which is a nice, hilly road that claims to be a disgraced president while actually being a strip of asphalt.
Italy (Marco Mengoni, "Due vite")
In a way, North Maple lives two lives (due vite) thanks to the little jog it does at Huron River Drive, doesn't it? If only it had good-looking Italian men singing on it.
Latvia (Sudden Lights, "Aijā")
The people who've listened to this song (including me) absolutely love it, but we understand that it's never going to be popular among the masses, and that's okay. Just a shame more people don't appreciate its beauty. Tubbs Road.
Lithuania (Monika Linkytė, "Stay")
Though she's easily confused for last year's Lithuanian entry Monika Liu, this Monika is quite different and great in her own way. Not flashy, just a solid ballad. Barton North isn't Barton Shore, but it's an enjoyable run nonetheless.
Malta (The Busker, "Dance (Our Own Party)")
A friendly, casual song that has the exact vibes of an easy summer run on the trail in Gallup Park. It's true, don't argue with me, you know I'm right.
Moldova (Pasha Parfeni, "Soarele si Luna")
Going into the woods and saying a prayer to the sun and moon sounds like something that would go on in the depths of Bird Hills.
Netherlands (Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper, "Burning Daylight")
In theory, this should be really good, but thus far, it just hasn't landed at live performances. Eberwhite Woods has all the elements of a good trail system, but is it anyone's favorite? I doubt it.
Norway (Alessandra, "Queen of Kings")
All this singing about queens and kings is a good reminder that we have neither here (well, we've got Beyoncé). Naturally, this is Liberty Street.
This song is just bad. So is Jackson Road. Both are best avoided when possible.
Portugal (Mimicat, "Ai coração")
Nothing in Ann Arbor can both cause (because of the hill) and treat (because of the hospital) problems of the coração like East Med.
Romania (Theodor Andrei, "D.G.T.")
Folks aren't quite sure what to make of the chaotic staging that Theodor had at the national final, but the underlying song is interesting, at least. If you want confusing outfits, crowds, and flashing lights, look no further than the Diag.
San Marino (Piqued Jacks, "Like An Animal")
Obviously, this is Bird Zoo.
Serbia (Luke Black, "Samo mi se spava")
Full of video game references, electronic music, and bright lights, this entry is straight out of something like Blade Runner, Tron, or Neon Genesis Evangelion. Where's the UMich robotics building? North Campus.
Slovenia (Joker Out, "Carpe Diem")
Seizing the day and having fun like it might be your last sounds perfect for Huron River Drive, a great road to run on with the unfortunate details of no sidewalk and an extremely ignored speed limit.
It's a bit niche, and people might get scared off by the spookiness of it all, but I for one love how beautiful the whole presentation and vocals are. This is Bluffs.
Sweden has been the best country in Eurovision for the past 25 years, mostly by sending well-constructed, generic pop songs with incredible vocals. Some folks are tired of that, but it just keeps working and producing winners. You might even see some past legends (Loreen won this contest in 2012) while you're there. Hello, Arb Hill.
Switzerland (Remo Forrer, "Watergun")
Again, I'm ignoring the political complications here for easy pun points. This one goes out to all the drinking fountains of the city, which have been real life-savers for just about everyone on summer runs.
Ukraine (Tvorchi, "Heart of Steel")
United Kingdom (Mae Muller, "I Wrote A Song")
In this breakup-revenge bop, Mae talks about wanting to trash her ex's Benz. Where might one find a Benz in Ann Arbor? I'd start looking on Barton Shore.
There's a real track & field post coming soon enough, don't worry.
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